Dear Renee,

Just recently, the woman I was dating for a little over three months and I decided to be friends. We really enjoyed each other's company and liked each other, but I'm 26 and have been out of college and the party scene for four years and have a good job. She, on the other hand, is 24, recently graduated, is unemployed, and likes to go out with her friends often.

While we were dating, I found out that, in the past, she had dated some losers and been treated poorly and that's why she was afraid to get too close to me. Also, on another occasion, I found out from her best friend that she has memories of being molested as a child, but doesn't remember who touched her. Since I am not supposed to know this, I can't confront her about it and I feel really helpless.

I realized that I still have feelings for this woman and keep hoping that maybe it could work out one day. I definitely think she has some issues and has some growing up to do. Should I stay in contact with her or should I let her contact me? I plan to move on and continue being me, but if the opportunity presented itself, I would definitely like to give it another shot with her. Any advice you could provide is greatly appreciated.

Confused

Dear Confused,

Being molested is a damaging experience and often causes people to shut down to love. It's great, however, that you realize she's unavailable when it comes to love.

Due to the circumstances, I recommend that you should let her go and hopefully she can do some healing on her own. Be aware that you can't heal or rescue her. Perhaps in the future she will face her demons and want to connect with you again after she sees how those old memories kept her from loving you fully.

Don't take the breakup out on yourself. Her fear of being hurt is imbedded in her subconscious mind and she needs to work things out on her own.

Keep her in your prayers, send her good thoughts and hopefully she will get some much-needed help so she can see that she can heal from the past with some guidance.

Renee

 r.

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